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PROVERBS 18:22 “HE WHO FINDS A WIFE FINDS A GOOD THING, AND OBTAINS FAVOR FROM THE LORD.” (KJV, NKJV, NASB, ASV, RSV, TLB)
I will admit right off the bat…I am writing this chapter because an old Air Force buddy of mine asked me to do it. Thanks Doug! He finds this verse worthy to be memorized.
As I approach the end of writing four books to help us memorize Bible verses, I realize that I have written a whole lot about my experiences in life in a lot of these chapters. Family members and really close friends might have enjoyed my “trips down memory lane” as I use them to teach what I have learned. But I also realize that many of my readers did not share my life as I have lived it and might not be nearly as interested. Plus, I hesitate to give the impression that these books were meant to be an autobiography…they are not.
“Hide the Word” really isn’t supposed to be about me. However, it would have been impossible to give you my commentary from Scriptures without telling you how I learned the lessons that those Scriptures taught me. I hope you have equally great experiences as you learn the truths that the Bible teaches us in the experiences of your life as well.
I really don’t know why I was hesitant to use this verse as one of my 100 verses to memorize. It isn’t one that was in my stack of 3x5 cards. The lessons in this verse are very true and extremely meaningful to me. It just wasn’t one that I had included in all my years of memorizing. Maybe it should have been.
Doug and I both lost our wives…both very dear to us…at way too young an age. We miss Cheryl and Annie very much. I realize that not every man (or woman) has the kind of great experience in their marriages that Doug and I did. I apologize if my lessons here bring you pain if your marriage was not as “good” as Doug and I remember ours being. But, we both strongly testify to the truth of Proverbs 18:22: we both found a wife and it was a very good thing!
The first point of this verse must examine what the writer meant when he said, “finds a wife.” In the younger days of my life, I remember looking to “find a wife.” A popular song in the 1980s said, “You better shop around.” I wouldn’t say I did a lot of “shopping around” but I can also say I made sure I “wasn’t sold on the very first one.”
As one of five boys, we grew up with what we thought was a perfect model of husband and wife creating a great life together in my mom and dad. The photo on the right above was Dad tying mom’s shoes later in life when she couldn’t bend down to tie them herself. Through sixty-five years together, mom and dad always seemed happy, even in the midst of a very trying pastoral ministry, holding down two full-time jobs and raising five boys. Their model of a happy marriage was a great example that inspired all five of us to one day have wives of our own. Each one of us would follow their example to “find a wife.”
When we were way too young to know any better, Danny, Dale and I would ride our bikes around the baseball diamond behind our house and pretend to have our girlfriend/wives on the back right behind us. I had Marjorie, Dan had Vanna and I think Dale had Gertrude (just kidding…I don’t know who Dale pretended to have on his bike with him…he was younger than Dan and I…I think he was just trying to keep up with us.)
We were sure that having a devoted girlfriend and a future loving wife in our lives was the natural thing to expect from life…even from an early age. We grew up knowing that “finding a wife” was going to be “a good thing.” We expected it to be nothing less. Little did I know that decades after having found that wife, she and I could testify how good a “thing” it had been.
Cheryl and I were devoted to each other. We shared life together. When I succeeded or failed, she shared that success or failure with me. We devoted our lives together to the ministries of the churches we attended as the Air Force moved us around the world. We had four wonderful children together.
Many times, because the Air Force (and later UPS) had me far away from home, Cheryl would have to do my job as father as well as hers as mother in raising our children. I consider the success and good lives our kids and their families enjoy being thanks to her great parenting far more than mine. Cheryl and I made it through forty years of working together to reach a retirement where we could enjoy our “golden years” together. I found a wife…I found a very good thing. And I know we have the Lord to thank for all of it.
One would have to look back on the history of their own individual experience in matrimony to examine what is meant by “finds a good thing.” Forty eight years of marriage to Cheryl wasn’t always “good.” When we started, I was 22 and Cheryl was 20. We quickly found out that the “starry eyed” concept of how good life was going to be living together wasn’t always easy.
There were good days and there were bad ones. We discovered that marriage was often a lot of work. We learned that living together wasn’t about finding out what made me happy and making sure that always happened. Her happiness was important too…and maybe, very importantly, more important than my own happiness.
The Bible tells us “two shall be as one.” That means living in harmony, as much as is possible, and even learning to live sacrificially…making the one person you love more than anyone else happy before yourself.
“A man shall leave his parents” means you figure it out together as husband and wife instead of running to mom and dad to figure it out for you. “A husband shall be the head” means taking the appropriate position of leadership in the family without becoming a tyrant, as leaders in the world often do.
Helping each other “in sickness and in health” means sacrificing your own personal needs to take care of the other when they need it a lot more than you do. And yes, “till death do us part” means faithfulness all the way…even to the point of being what the other one needs…even when it seems like that is impossible to do. The Bible is very helpful in teaching us how finding a wife is such a good thing.
Favor from the Lord. The image of husband and wife, lovingly navigating all the joys and trials of a long life together is the same image the Bible uses for the relationship between the Lord and the church. That kind of life, when successfully done in the Lord’s way, brings favor from the Lord.
I can testify that He showed His favor to Cheryl and I as we served Him together, let Him lead us in how to raise four great children and daily worked and lived through all the trials…and adventures…He brought our way.
He has always been faithful to us…even when, in those rare times, we might not have been totally faithful to Him. The faithfulness Cheryl and I shared with each other was a demonstration of His unwavering faithfulness to us.
He always provided for us, even when it seemed like we might fall apart. His favor brought us blessings financially, spiritually and emotionally. And, it is not hard to see how, by “finding a wife,” He showed me what a “good thing” that was. He demonstrated to us, time and time again, that through a loving, committed marriage, we “obtained favor from Him.”
I’m sorry because I know my story will remind some that their stories were not the same as mine. I know that divorce is rampant in our culture and even in the church. I know, not from experience, but from being close to those I love who have suffered it, that “finding a wife” did not seem like such a “good thing.” I know that hurts.
I do not apologize, however, about sharing that the Lord has proven this verse to have been true in my marriage and my life with Cheryl. Thank you, Lord, for giving me Cheryl and showing me I found a “good thing” in her as my wife. Thank you for showing us favor as we were both faithful to each other and also faithful to you.
I know that it is because we both put our faith and trust in You that we enjoyed such a wonderful life together and are assured of life in heaven with You. I wish you hadn’t taken her to heaven so soon. I miss her. But I also know that part of the blessing and goodness of our lives together made those years sweet and promise to make our reunion in heaven even sweeter and our eternal lives together with You ones of unending joy. How much more favor than that could I possibly want?
Questions to consider: How did you “find” your spouse? How has God shown you His favor through your marriage? How can we comfort those who have lost their spouse? Why did so many have multiple wives in the Old Testament? More favor? Why did God say it was not good for man to be alone? How do husbands and wives become one flesh? The Bible tells wives to submit to their husbands. Does submission go both ways?
Other Scriptures to study: Genesis 2:24 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” Ephesians 5:25 “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.” Gen 2:18 “And the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.” Matthew 19:6 “So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let not man separate.” Ecclesiastes 4:9 “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor.” Prov 12:4 “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband…” Prov 31:10 “Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies.”
 
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